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Life lessons from Mike, my loyal companion
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I am typing this out on my phone because my faithful, aged, and long-suffering Mike who had a cracked corner for months now, broke off a chunk from the motherboard and switched off this morning. More like, became unconscious. Mike, like yours truly, has had creaky bones, aches, and pains, from wear and tear. Mike is my twelve-year-old laptop. Mike and I have shared deep moments, that only he and my creator can fathom. I have made vision boards, with Mike giving ideas and prompts. I have edited manuscripts on him, whose typos and grammar gave him a headache. I have cried, writing my deep hurts and pains, with faithful Mike holding up as I wrote, sniffled, wrote some more, and then clicked delete. “Are you sure you want to delete?” We have travelled the world together. He has been more loyal than some human males.
Typing a long write-up on the phone notepad is uncomfortable, for lack of a better word, and I miss Mike. It is an unfamiliar space here, like when you get divorced. You are yanked out of your comfort zone. The mundane routine with its sense of security is replaced by hypervigilance. You watch your back all the time. You feel exposed. If, say, adultery was part of the reason for the divorce, you look at every other female and wonder, ‘Was she part of his liaisons?
You think long and hard when you fill in a form and they ask for next of kin, or when they ask for marital status and you are surprised that they do have a slot for the divorced. You had never thought much about it before, because after more than a decade of checking the box written married, now you pause, and wonder why anyone should be asking about marital status for any applications. Mike’s sudden collapse reminds me of that spouse who gives their all, and remains loyal to you, not because they do not have the option to cheat, but choose to honour you. They are there for you when you are in the dump, but one day, they drop it all. They drop it all because, like Mike did, you have neglected them, abused them, taken them for granted. One day, they say enough is enough. They shut down, and you find yourself lost, going to seek comfort from a tiny phone screen, a far cry from the gem you had in Mike. You lost nine, running after the tenth, or as Tyler Perry writes, ‘you lost the one with the ninety per cent, chasing the one who provided the ten per cent.’
During one of the sessions in Divorce Care group therapy, the facilitator asked, ‘What has been the biggest revelation from your divorce? One man said. ‘I did not know I would feel this sense of loss, this loss…yet I was a very organised person before marriage.’
He had not realized how much his ex-wife held the fort while he went to work, even though she too went to work. ‘No one prepares a man to be a husband. Women come better prepared to be wives.’ We shall explore this revelation later, when I get Mike back.
We take things and people for granted, don’t we? One day they wake up and speak to the mirror. ‘You know what? I am worth more. I deserve better and I did not sign up for this kind of treatment from this person.’ They up and leave, cracked, broken, and the technician receives them, and promises to help them heal from our abuse and misuse. You are left fumbling, disorganised, confused and lost. Life moves on, deadlines and bills remain unrelenting.
If we are wise enough, we should introspect and ask ourselves, how can I be a better human for the next partner? What do I need to learn about me, so that I can grow? What do I need to heal to attract better? Trust me, jumping onto a smart-looking android might look cool to the outsiders, but it is a desperate and cheap attempt to replace Mike.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I hope the technician handles him well, that he gets better, because I will be kinder, gentler and more appreciative of him. Mike would never have featured here, yet, we write everything together. Since he has the initial article meant for today, you get to meet him, and I hope you learn something from him like I have.