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Our ancestors were more romantic than us
There are a zillion reasons to consider romance as a lifestyle for your marriage.
We, Africans – read our men- like to brand romance and other uncomfortable relationship stuff as foreign, mzungu culture. You ask him why he does not bring you the occasional flowers and he says, “That’s a mzungu thing.” Meanwhile, he is not dressed in dried cowhide, is not chewing on a twig as a toothbrush, and has no ethnic markings or dye on him. Since the month of romantic love showed up, the men around me have been coming up with excuses why they want no part in these celebrations. “It’s just a marketing hype. Love is a daily thing.” Mike Wambugu a member of my college alumni group said.
Valentine’s Day is around the corner. Pretty please, do something romantic, even if you come from the slopes of Mount Kenya and romance and you are like water and oil attempting to blend. Every woman responds to romance, even if that means walking to the locals for a shared moment over a cup of tea. Blokes are trying to get away from the euphoria and the hyping of this lover’s day, by claiming that they demonstrate their love daily. True that, and we deeply appreciate it. Romance, however, is an occasional courtship behaviour that does not happen every day. For example, taking a weekend away together, going off to watch a movie or a play, taking a long drive or a walk, or doing whatever else keeps the flame burning, once in a while.
Romance is as African as you and I. Our ancestors used endearments on their spouses more than we do today. My grandmother still refers to her late husband as munyanya, which means, darling. I see the older folk amongst us refer to their wife as girlfriend, kamuciere and other similar names while we, younger, modern ones call each other Mama and Baba Brayo. No wonder we must be reminded to romance each other.
There are a zillion reasons to consider romance as a lifestyle for your marriage. Long-term relationships can deepen or become boring and lacklustre with time. It all depends on the care and maintenance you allocate to the relationship.
Romance is so often associated with dating and courtship and the early season of marriage, that by the fifth year, some couples get busy with life and forget to sustain the romantic gestures.
Romance strengthens emotional connection. Couples who enjoy a long healthy relationship – not the long-suffering type- have a habit of continually dating each other. They fill their relationship with goodwill for the other, they surprise each other, and they think of ways to make the other happy, every day. They get to learn their companion daily and get excited to live life as an adventure, with their spouse.
Romance keeps the bedroom embers alive. The romantic gestures keep the other feeling valued, loved, and seen. The feel-good hormones and chemical reactions remain constantly in production, therefore, dry spells are not known in some homes, unless yours where romance died a long time ago and here you are complaining about Valentines Day. Jump aboard.
Romance helps with communication, a very complex skill, further complicated by marriage routines and taking each other for granted. The thoughtful gestures associated with romance enhance a couple’s skill of expression, sharing, and engaging in difficult conversations. Learning the art of communication solves more than half the problems in a marriage relationship.
Nothing takes away the daily stresses more than a thoughtful romantic gesture from your person. The world could be burning, but you do not have room to let the stress overwhelm you, because you know someone’s got you in their thoughts, through their romantic gestures.
Romance is an act of appreciation whether it is demonstrated through kind words or thoughtful gestures such as a sweet handwritten note or a box of chocolate. It is an acknowledgment of the qualities in your spouse that make them unique, special, and beloved. Romance reinforces this appreciation and fosters a sense of gratitude between partners. This mutual respect and admiration create a healthy dynamic where both individuals feel seen, valued, and understood.
This Valentine’s Day is only a reminder that we should not neglect our romantic side of life. If our ancestors upheld it, daily, we, more than any other generation before us, have the potential to do more and create loads of joy for each other. No idea what to do? There are even websites dedicated to ideas. Imagine that! Me? I plan to give romance a second chance.