Money-minded? She is not wife material

All our dates are at expensive restaurants, and the bill is on me. We are both working and in our late 20s. Zulu, I thought the relationship would lead to marriage, but I am concerned about this money issue. Her interest drops to zero when I don’t spend cash on her. Should I stop seeing her?

Dear reader,

Your woman has two problems. One, you're looking at a classic case of a woman who knows how to be treated by a man but doesn't know how to treat a man right back. Never marry a woman who doesn't know how to treat you as a partner or one who thinks that submission is suppression.

A person's philosophy of life is their operating software. Stop taking it lightly just because you have a huge crush on her.

Her opinions are coming from a belief system. Pay attention to them because that's the most important part about a person. Teach yourself to fall in love or out of love with the way a woman thinks.

When you like and woo a woman, don't marry her the moment she accepts you. You also need to put her to the test.

Society advocates for the wrong kinds of testing because they only 'road test' the body. That's like trying to learn your neighbour by checking the house they live in. The body is merely a housing. You need to learn about the person who lives there.

You do that by observing her mindset around marriage and being a wife.

After a woman accepts you based on what you promise, ask her what is her promise to you? Is she ready to play her part in building a home, or will she be a hands-off person lying on the couch to be pampered?

Unfortunately, most men cannot detect the vices of the women they fall in love with. Society is vsilent about women's toxicity. Remember, a mother is a goddess in most cultures, and she cannot be faulted.

Men are not allowed to cry or call for help. They should act like they're always strong and in control.

But how many men have we witnessed suffering silently to an early grave just because of a toxic wife who was helped by society to play the angel out there?

As a man, the marriage proposer, you need to be careful not to overdo your commitments. So many gentlemen are stuck with women who don't help with anything in the marriage. Do not be bribed with sex. Withhold physical intimacy until marriage, and see how many women will quit the relationship.

You will appear odd when you're not controlled by sexual urges like most of the other men in society. But you'll win the prize many can only dream of - a sober choice of a wife and a happy marriage.

The second issue with this woman is her obvious materialism. There's no problem in desiring a finer life. The problem is not being able to provide it for yourself and then demanding it from men.

Also, you need someone ready to build with you and not just demand things from you. If you intend to build, marry a builder and not a taker.

Money-minded women tend to be entitled to how they should be treated. They act like they're doing you a favour by being in your life.

Sometimes it's the man who promotes this dynamic because of a lack of skill in courtship. You tell her that you feel lucky to have her, and if she only allows you to marry her, she'll never need to work again. You present a bad case and sign a bad deal.

You should check your confidence as a man so that you don't perform an overkill. Promise just enough so that you also invite her to invest in the journey on her part.

You want to marry a woman who was already looking to settle and build a future with you, not a girl who wasn't thinking about marriage, and so forcing you to do all the labour.

My advice is to release this woman and continue with your search. It was a good learning experience, but she's not the woman you want to settle with.