The silence that fills the room

I am not between heaven and hell, perhaps, but I am in a place where both echo.

Some mornings, the sunrise leaves a sense of peace within me. As the day brightens, I recognise the miracles life offers. But some evenings, I find myself battling storms within. As the sky darkens, an emptiness grows inside me. I am neither truly here nor truly anywhere. I cannot erase the past, nor do I have the strength to build the future.

I was born in a city far from here.
The first child of a teacher mother and father.
I grew up in my own land, yet my eyes always sought the horizon.
Sometimes, I longed to disappear; other times, I yearned to belong.

My identity is clear, yet questions linger within me.
My roots are strong, yet my soul is still wandering.
I know my language, yet sometimes words fail me.
There are emotions no language can truly capture.

My name is Burak.
I know what it means, where it comes from. But does one only understand the meaning of their name by living it?
Is forgetting a form of freedom, or does it bind a person even more?
Does peace come from erasing memories, or from learning to live with them?

Returning… Where does one return to?
Is the place you left behind still waiting for you?
If you can still smell the past when you close your eyes, does that mean returning is possible?
And if you can return, are you still the same person when you do?

Some days, I want to shake off the dust of the past.
But every time, a memory clings to my soul.
A childhood moment,
The voice of an old friend,
A smile lost on a street corner…

I was born in a seaside town. But there were moments when I sat on the shore, dreaming of faraway places.
Everywhere I went, I left a piece of myself behind.
Everywhere I went, I lost a piece of myself.
With every new word I learnt, a part of the old one faded away.
With every step forward, I became someone new.
Is the place I came from still there?
Or am I the one who has changed?

Sometimes, the questions grow larger than the answers.
Questions echo in the silence of the night…
“Is life truly leading you where you want to go?”
“Or are you just drifting where the wind takes you?”
“When will you finally stop?”

Does stopping mean resting?
Or does it mean giving up?
Does belonging mean planting roots?
Or is it just another form of clinging to habit?

At night, the silence in the corner of the room grows even louder.
I close my eyes, and something is missing.
No matter which city I am in, no matter which bed I lie in,
Something is always missing.

And sometimes, you realise that what you thought you lost was never really there.
Some paths never truly existed.
Some returns lead nowhere.
And some people… were never truly yours to begin with.

Sometimes, the thing you loved the most turns out to be just an illusion.
One day, you look back and realise that the warm smile, the comforting voice, the things you thought were always there… had long since faded away.
You reach out, but there is no one left to hold onto.
You try to speak, but there is no one left to listen.

And in that moment, the tears in your eyes cannot fill the emptiness inside.
No matter how strong you try to stand, the absence seeps into you.
A song plays, and the ache inside deepens.
A breeze blows, and its scent lingers in the air.
A single sentence is enough to bring it all rushing back, just when you thought you were starting to forget.

And you remain… in limbo.

You can neither forget completely nor truly return.
You can neither love fully nor feel the peace of being loved.
You can neither leave entirely nor stay.

Sometimes, a person just wants to close their eyes and feel nothing at all.
But the heart is not like that.
The heart remembers.
The heart reopens wounds when you least expect it.
The heart does not heal with time.
It only learns to endure.

And I… I get lost in this endurance every night.
Every morning, I wake up to another face of absence.

I exist where beginnings and endings blur.
And no matter which way I go, I keep finding myself here again.

With Love and Respect,

Burak Anaturk.

Burak Anaturk is a professional civil engineer. He focuses on sharing lessons from his life experiences, exploring diverse perspectives, and discussing personal development topics.
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