Young at heart: Why age-gap love is here to stay
Cyndi Targosz, an author and relationship advisor states that most respondents to her numerous studies were in relationships in which the woman was between eight and 20 years older.
What you need to know:
- Cyndi Targosz's book Dating the Younger Man challenges societal stigma around age-gap relationships.
- The author's extensive study reveals that younger men are often the pursuers, attracted to women's confidence and experience.
- On the other hand, women report feeling more desired and sexually satisfied in these relationships.
When a woman turns 30, she is chided into believing that her correlation to relationships has permanently taken a downhill trajectory. Demoralising comments from a plethora of communal opinions congregate in her mind and infuse her psyche with trepidation.
As women grow more confident, empowered and financially independent, their affinity to abandoning societal expectations increase and they exercise instrumental obligations towards selecting men who are pertinent to their emotional and physical resolutions. According to studies of evolution and human behaviour, the more independent a woman is, the greater she values good looks in her man.
Cyndi Targosz states in her insightful book Dating the younger man: A complete guide to every woman’s sweetest indulgence, that there’s nothing wrong with choosing a man and receiving pleasure from the man you designate. She elaborates that women should please their men and expect sexual and emotional satisfaction from them. The book illustrates that until a woman feels that she deserves this preferential treatment, she will never achieve the ultimate love connection.
Cyndi, a certified lifestyle counsellor and relationship advisor further states that thoughts of living lonely in frustration and despair should be consequently negated by women while they rejoice in newfound dating opportunities.
Studies indicate that almost one-third of women between the ages of 40 and 69 are dating younger men. A recent AARP poll concluded that one-sixth of women in their 50s prefer men in their 40s. Subsequently, an online survey recently crystallised that 51 percent of women do not care about age when anticipating a mate.
Regardless of these encouraging factual findings, many women are still embarrassed to admit being in relationships in which they are only a year older than their partners. Cyndi states that the majority of respondents to her numerous research results were in relationships in which the woman was between eight and 20 years older. Twenty-two percent of her respondents were in relationships in which the man was five years younger, or less. This often occurred when the woman was in her early 30s and the man in his 20s.
Double standards are existential within social norms and target younger women too. There is also a tiny percentage of women in their late 20s who responded because they were dating younger men in their early 20s. The fact that young women in their 20s place an extensive amount of contemplation into her survey is a statement in itself. This signifies that the dating double standard is predominantly extensive, even for exceedingly younger women.
The optimistic news is that the pendulum of ageless love is on an upswing. This emancipating lifestyle choice expands options for women while instigating and constructing a more formidable self-worth.
Conversations between a woman and her younger man proved to be a pleasure for men. These younger men love communicating, and enjoy listening to what their mate has to say. They rave about the women's ability to contribute to a mature point of view for mutual growth as individuals and as a couple.
Contrary to widespread belief, very few of the women in Cyndi's study were the hunters, the younger men were primarily the ones in pursuit of them. Many men don’t know the age of the women when they meet and they don’t care. Women are physically and nutritionally taking better care of themselves and men being visual creatures, are captivated by beauty regardless of women's elderly age. A woman doesn't have to be a perfect ten to draw their attention.
Younger lovers
Men notice when women exude confidence, self-assurance and conviction, that draws attraction and wrinkles are absconded and rendered obsolete. The assumption that a younger man won’t desire a woman when she ages is therefore factually incorrect.
When it comes to sex, almost all the respondents, both men and women, mentioned to Cyndi that sex was satisfactory. The few times when it wasn't, it was due to the women's disappointment with their younger lovers. The majority of women preferred younger men partly because older men couldn't consistently satisfy their sexual desires. Younger men furthermore, love the fact that an experienced woman knows her body and is unrestrained and unrestricted on how to deploy her intimate passion.
Cyndi was overwhelmingly impressed by how resilient, vibrant, and liberated the study participants were. These women are at a point in life where they aren't destitute, many have financial security, established careers and some have grown children. They marvel at their independence and embrace the opportunity of meeting their exigency. To them, this is the requisite time in life to date, recapture their levity of love and settle for a man for the appropriate reasons.
Younger men tend to be more physically active, invigorating and adventurous, and aren't controlled by stringent cultural norms that predate common sense, and often prohibit excitement in relationships. This is appealing to women in search of a reprieve, an excursion and an active sex life and digress from conservative beliefs that are an impediment to emotional satisfaction.
There is a false myth that permeates our society that dating a younger man will imbue women to feel old, that is the furthest from the truth. The majority of women in Cyndi's research findings felt younger, worshiped and desired when dating men younger than them. This is inclusive of prolonged relationships where women consistently felt coveted and youthful around younger men.
Jeff Anthony is a novelist, a Big Brother Africa 2 Kenyan representative and founder of Jeff's Fitness Centre @jeffbigbrother