Why my friend would rather squint than 'hide her beauty' behind glasses
We need to stop treating medical prescriptions like fashion choices. I watched my friend deny her eyesight for months.
What you need to know:
- I watched my friend squint at menus for months, knowing she needed glasses but unable to say so because she'd always told me I looked better without mine.
- When she finally got her prescription, she tried negotiating with the optician and rejecting the recommended lenses like she was shopping rather than following medical advice.
Many moons ago, a friend started showing signs of eye problems. She was reading menus like they were treasure maps, zooming in on photos I showed her on my phone, and displaying the most obvious sign of all: she'd squint any time she was reading something on her phone or computer.
As a veteran eyeglass wearer, when I saw these signs, I knew for a fact that it was a matter of when, not if.
You may be wondering why I didn't tell her right away that she needed to visit an optometrist for an eyeglass prescription. Well, this friend always complains that I look better without my glasses. If she were completely honest, I think she'd say she doesn't like it when I wear my glasses because they hide my beauty. She has even gone so far as to suggest that I use contact lenses instead of spectacles. I suspect that deep down, she believes I can see without my glasses if I just try hard enough.
When I realised she would soon need to start wearing glasses, I was worried she was going to have an intense mental breakdown. I hinted to her once in a while, but overall, I bided my time as I prayed and hoped that she'd eventually come to that realisation herself.
One Saturday afternoon, she called me to say she had finally gone to an eye specialist and received a prescription! I resisted the urge to tell her, "Welcome to the club of people who hide their beauty!"
The following Monday during our lunch hour, I was a dutiful friend. I escorted her to place an order for her eyeglasses, including the most interesting part—selecting frames!
When I started wearing glasses many years ago, my biggest concern was that I would be wearing my weakness on my face. If you wear spectacles, you display your deficiencies publicly. This was an even bigger problem for me because I have a Type A personality.
While I'm self-aware enough to recognise that I have weaknesses and vulnerabilities, I don't walk around telling everyone, "Oh, by the way, I have this and that problem." With spectacles, it meant I couldn't pick and choose whom to divulge my eye problems to. I wear my limitations on my face, quite literally!
I didn't ask my friend what her biggest concern was about the impending transition. But when I listened to the conversation she was having with the optician—who almost bent to her every whim—I understood the internal turmoil she was dealing with: losing an appearance she was used to.
"I do not want the lenses that turn black when I am out in the sun," she said.
"The prescription says we should give you photochromatic lenses," the optician replied.
"Now what are those?" she asked, clearly exhausted by the exercise.
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The optician explained that those lenses become dark in sunlight. Without hesitation, my friend said no—she didn't want those ones. The optician should get her something else.
I intervened to remind her that the prescription she received from the ophthalmologist is similar to any prescription from a doctor. Just as she couldn't go to the pharmacy and pick and choose which medicines she wanted from a doctor's prescription, her eyeglasses needed to stick to the prescription. Lenses are not a fashion statement; they are medication.
Three days later
Three days after my friend received her glasses, I did a spot-check: I called her to find out if she was wearing them. Unsurprisingly, she was not!
"I do not wear them all the time, just when I need to see something far away," she said.
"Is that the instruction the eye doctor gave you?" I asked, trying so hard to stay calm.
"No. The doctor said I should wear them throughout the day," she admitted.
My friend had become a victim of people who, even though they have never stepped inside an ophthalmology classroom, believe they can give advice about wearing glasses. The most commonly peddled myth? "The more you wear glasses, the worse your eyesight will become."
I hope I will succeed in convincing her to keep her eyeglasses on.
The writer is the Research & Impact Editor, NMG, [email protected]