How do I secure my financial future and the future of my children given the glaring signs that this marriage may not last?
My name is Lydia. I am married with three children. My husband and I are employed. I earn about Sh130,000 net while my husband earns about Sh60,000. Our main household expenses are as follows: Rent Sh30,000, food and groceries Sh20,000, water and power Sh3,000, home internet and entertainment Sh5,000. My husband is unable to take care of all these expenses by himself and I have been chipping in. Our salaries have become a cause of serious tension because I don’t think he is good with money, yet he wants to control how I spend mine. He says I look down on him because I earn more. He only pays house rent and demands Sh20,000 support from me every month. I also have to fuel the family car and take care of our children’s grooming. So, essentially, he is contributing nothing despite working full-time. We are always fighting whenever I question what he does with his money. I am tired of this. I have been saving with the bank and currently, I have saved Sh2.3 million. I am also part of a chama where we are contributing Sh5,000 every month. I want to lease a plot of land and build temporary mabati rentals within Nairobi. My husband on the other hand wants to buy a Sh5 million lorry financed at 90 per cent and use me as a guarantor. I think it is a bad idea and I want out. How do I secure my financial future and the future of my children given the glaring signs that this marriage may not last? If I were to move out, how should I budget my Sh130,000 net salary? What should I save and invest in?
Benjamin Cheruiyot – the Engagement Lead at Abojani Investments, a personal finance and investments advisory firm
Jackline, out of your combined monthly income of Sh190,000, your disclosed expenses plus chama savings total Sh63,000.
In addition to your husband's monthly demand of Sh20,000, that totals Sh83,000, meaning you jointly have over Sh100,000 that's not accounted for.
On your side, your detailed spending amounts to Sh53,000, leaving Sh77,000 unaccounted. On his side, Sh50,000 is unaccounted for. Another crucial expense you've not disclosed is school fees. Who foots this expense?
Your husband appears secretive about his finances; otherwise you would know his financial health. Is he in a Sacco? Does he hold any investments or assets? Could he be servicing any loans or assisting his parents and siblings?
There is a blur on what he does with his money. You need to sit down together with the help of a financial planner and understand each other's short, medium, and long-term financial goals, including current commitments. Is your husband aware of your Sh2.3 million bank savings? How were you able to accumulate that amount? Was it a loan?
Even if you were footing all bills, including school fees, you would still have about Sh50,000 surplus every month. While you think of your real estate investment plans, you could derive passive income and growth on this amount.
Putting it every month in a better yield money market fund or bond fund at 11.5 per cent net annual return will amount to Sh2.1 million in three years.
These funds only require your steady contribution, not an entry strategy and analysis like stocks or cryptocurrency. You could also learn about dividend stocks, government debt instruments, and real estate investment trusts.
Joint couple finances means both of you should be taking care of family needs like having a six-months' worth of regular expenses in an emergency fund, school fees, insurance, medical kitty, and investments.
Your finances appear to be pulling in different directions. Personal finance experts advise that couples should not just share bed sheets, but also have balanced sheets as a result of reading from the same financial page. Without this, losing purpose in your marriage is inevitable, and that's why you are already thinking of separation and eventual divorce.
To save your marriage, you have to show concern and support for your husband.
He may be suffering from low self-esteem, considering you are earning more than twice his income. Yours is not the only case.
There are many working wives with unemployed husbands. Some have employed their husbands in their businesses even without managerial positions. When you share your individual and joint financial goals, you will easily find symphony in your money-music.
Your husband's plan to buy a lorry should be well analysed. You haven't sat down with him to appraise the need. Is it something he is skilled in? What are his business skills? Managing a lorry for transport business isn't for the faint-hearted.
Neither is it impossible to create unlimited wealth from it. He could get a delivery contract especially in the building materials industry that could increase your financial ability.
You should find an expert in the business and understand the opportunities and potential risks rather than dismiss the idea.
While your husband's net pay isn't enough for a Sh4.5m loan commitment, he probably expects the business to do some heavy lifting.
He only needs Sh500,000 for down payment on the lorry financing. He probably has the money but seeks your support in case the business experiences low moments, or doesn't pick up as fast.
Your intention to invest in mabati rentals isn't a bad idea, but it is narrowing your view. It is like being the shark in a tank instead of exploring the depths of the wide blue ocean. Study your husband's business plan for possible collaboration.
Alternatively, with Sh2.3 million, you could buy a plot in surrounding areas like Kitengela then build serviced bedsitters or single bedroom units for better monthly income with strategic financing. All said, your priority should be to save your marriage and align your joint finances to joint goals. Divorce has not yet become an option.
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