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Does this woman love me or is she wasting my time?
What you need to know:
- These feelings are not signs of weakness, they reflect that you genuinely cared.
- However, it is crucial not to allow these emotions to cloud your sense of self-worth.
- Being blocked or overlooked does not mean you are inadequate; it simply means the other person made a different choice, and perhaps was not honest or mature enough to communicate openly.
I am a teacher aged 33 working at a big school. I got interested in a female colleague who was a newcomer (she stayed for about one month). When I approached her, she told me she isn't interested in a romantic relationship and that she is in another relationship, and that she doesn't want to waste my time. The funny thing I realised was that whenever I called her, it was like she had blocked me. When I asked her about it, she told me that her phone doesn't allow new numbers and she hadn't saved my contact. I made the decision not to contact her and never to give her attention, because she sounded rude. I overheard some colleagues say that she isn't interested in low-paid contractual staff (she earns more than I do). The dilemma is that the school headteacher is also interested in her, although he is married, while I am single. Should I talk to her again or just continue moving on and ignore her confusing attention? I don’t want her to gossip about me to colleagues.
You did nothing wrong by showing interest. That’s brave. But her response—dismissing you, blocking you, maybe gossiping about you—tells you all you need to know. Here's the thing bro, You dodged a bullet. A woman who can’t reject you without blocking you isn’t someone who can handle a real relationship. Let her be. Focus on yourself, upgrade your game, and trust me when the right one comes along, she won’t need to block your number or pretend her phone has magical anti-single-men software. For now? Chin up, man. Laugh it off. You’re not in the drama anymore. If she’s not texting you back, it’s not a mystery. It’s a memo. And the memo says: next, please.
Freezer, Nairobi
Instead of cluttering your head with all this invaluable energy, why not focus on yourself. She clearly wants nothing to do with you, that's why she has never even bothered to save your number apart from blocking it. If you value your time and attention, then there's clearly no need to reach out to her because she will see you as a desperate single man who has nothing to do apart from chasing her. Focus on yourself.
Juma Felix
I get your frustrations for being turned down at your first attempt. While the rumours could be true that she isn't interested in low-paying contractual staff, I tend to think the teacher is casting her net elsewhere. You have indicated that the head teacher is interested in her, which could possibly explain her resentment towards you lest you spoil her broth. People who are fully aware and awake will obviously choose what's best for them and will always create enough room for what they want. Since your calls never go through and she responds with a flimsy excuse that new contacts can't reach her, I feel the die is cast. I sympathise with you and the need to be loved but I would urge you to prioritise building wealth first.
Francis Muthiora,
Certified instructor
It is normal to fall in love or get interested in the woman. Women know how to tease and examine men. If you take off immediately they know you're not serious. Don't give up yet. Be keen on red flags which if ignored, can mutate to serious problems in the relationship. However, she's very clear about being in another relationship. Not having saved your number means she might not be interested in you. If the gossip around has truth in it, then it's a red flag. She's more materialistic than affectionate and falling for a married man who happens to be her boss, speaks volumes. Gossiping about you with colleagues is inevitable. Good luck.
D Mutunga
From the school of life
The lady has openly told you that she is seeing someone else and is not interested in any romantic relationship with you. I know how disappointing it is but swallow the bitter pill and move on. Save yourself from frustrations and heartbreaks.
Calvin Queens,
Blogger and writer
The first step is acknowledging the emotional pain. It is normal to feel hurt, betrayed, or embarrassed. These feelings are not signs of weakness, they reflect that you genuinely cared. However, it is crucial not to allow these emotions to cloud your sense of self-worth. Being blocked or overlooked does not mean you are inadequate; it simply means the other person made a different choice, and perhaps was not honest or mature enough to communicate openly.
Moreover, the realisation that the person is now in a relationship with someone in a higher position in the workplace can evoke feelings of betrayal or injustice. This brings about the concept of workplace dynamics. Relationships in the workplace, especially involving power imbalances, can often be complicated. It is important to remember that such relationships may not always be healthy or ethical, and being excluded from such a triangle may actually be protection from greater emotional harm.
Love can sometimes take unexpected and painful turns. Yet, every experience, even heartbreak, offers a chance for self-discovery. Your capacity to love is a strength, not a weakness. The key lies in choosing how you respond to disappointment, with bitterness or with resilience. In choosing the latter, you not only heal but also grow into a wiser and emotionally stronger individual.
Nyakenyanya Japhet, police psychologist
FROM THE EXPERT
There is nothing wrong with pursuing your interest in someone. However, when they make it clear they are not interested, back off. Whether you are single or not, you cannot control or police what another person does. They have the right to mingle with other people. You asserted yourself in the limelight when you made a move on her. It is her choice to share your conquest with whomever she pleases. Trying to caution her will only leave you in a deeper hole. Let her be and move on.
Maurice Matheka is a relationships expert
NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA
I am a man aged 51, married to a disabled woman whom my heart loved beyond explanation, only to find out that she was a serious liar and a thief. She left my house thrice under the direction of her mother to other marriages and came back to me. When she went away to another man the third time, my bishop forced me to remarry, which I did though I did not want it. I married a woman I did not love. I am not comfortable with her, but she has already given birth to a boy. When the first woman ran back to me with my two children, I gave her a room to stay, but without my marital relationship. She has now shown her colours to the public – prostitution, going to men with my very young children, even staying there for a month, theft and now poisoning my children against me. I hate her, and still don’t feel love for my wife. Advise me please.