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How to overcome generational grudges
Discernment will lead you to know if there were wrongs that were done on either side of the family.
Generational grudges are unburied hatchets, bad blood and real or perceived wrongs, which have been passed down from families and relatives, for several generations.
As children, some of us were warned that there were dire destiny-related consequences of breaking bread or exchanging personal effects or plans with the family of so-and-so, aka Joka Ng’ane. Some of us were fed unsubstantiated lies that Joka Ng’ane were up to no good and - almost under duress - we were forced to swear we would never have any dealings with them, otherwise they would steal our destinies or dreams.
What did we do? We took those lies as gospel truth and hollered uncountable amens to them. And that's because we are socially conditioned to believe our elders. We seldom question anything that comes out of their mouths, even if it's halitosis that can out-stink a skunk.
Sour grapes
As men, we never doubted some extremely questionable edicts, even when we were old enough to realise that, just like hamiero - the traditional basket - they couldn't hold any water. Though we could not vouch for the genuineness of such edicts nor trace their genesis, we ran with them … and, while we were at it, broke records and relationships.
And now our elders, who sowed seeds of discord, are gone. Gone before they have rectified their errors and fed us the right food. As the Bible says: “The parents have eaten sour grapes, and that caused the children to grind their teeth from the sour taste.”
Bro, if you are dealing with a sour aftertaste caused by generational grudges, here's how to overcome them …
Seek the truth
Question everything you were told about Joka Ng’ane. You are an adult, right? Honouring your parents doesn't mean swallowing every word that comes out of their mouths.
Seek the truth. It may feel like you are going down a rabbit hole. However, for healing to happen, some deep dark holes must be examined with light.
Freedom from generational grudges is costly. The truth may hurt your relationship with your folks. It may even open some wounds you never knew about. But if you know the truth, it will set you free.
If you find that your parents were right, good for you. This knowledge will provide a solid foundation to build your decisions and relationship with Joka Ng’ane.
Think for yourself
I gave this advice to my daughter ever since she was a child. “Think for yourself, baby girl. Always.” I told her not to allow her friends or peers to carry her brain.
As much as we love our parents, when we reach the accountability age, we should make our own decisions. True, repairing relationships with Joka Ng’ane may hurt your parents' feelings. You may even be labelled a pariah. But, as grown men, we must always endeavour to do the right thing, regardless of the consequences.
Discernment
If a small still voice whispers in your spirit that there's something wrong with what your parents are saying about Joka Ng’ane, do not shush it.
And don't shout out that still voice. Be still and allow it to lead you to the truth. Why, discernment is divine; not devilish.
Forgiveness
Discernment will lead you to know if there were wrongs that were done on either side of the family. If Joka Ng’ane erred, either by omission or commission, forgive them. If your family was in the wrong, ask Joka Ng’ane for forgiveness.
Listen, my people from The Lake. We want our families and communities to prosper. And there is nothing that is holding us back like generational grudges and clouds of suspicion.