Advise! I fear losing my older girlfriend

I am in a relationship with a woman from my village. She completes her nursing course in a few months. I plan to marry her as soon as possible.

My worry is whether we are a good match. Will she wait for me since I have a year to complete high school? She has promised to care for me and help me with my college fees. She is older by three years.

Will this work? I love her so much, and, at times, I fear we might lose each other. Kindly advise.

Hi

Relationships are based on knowledge, understanding, and wisdom. You should know what it means to be in a relationship and a marriage.

What brings you together? Infatuation is great but it will not hold a relationship together. You must be able to answer, “Why do I feel attracted to her and feel she is the right one? Where is she headed in life?”

Remember that by the time she completes college, you will be finishing high school or starting college.

Marrying her while in college and she is working will not only be an unwise idea but is a decision that will stress your relationship.

For example, who will pay your college fees, housing, and care for your upkeep and a baby if this happens sooner than expected? I am worried whether you are attracted to each other for the right reasons.

Enduring relationships are based on clearly knowing each other’s dreams and aspirations.

As much as you love her, let some facts speak for themselves.

First, you are still in high school and have no job yet. Second, both of you will find marriage responsibilities difficult and stressful.

Third, your responsibilities as a married man will interfere with your future dreams.

And finally, since you are yet to qualify for marriage, I suggest you concentrate on your studies, for now.

Take the necessary precaution

Relationships are not only about knowledge but also understanding. Are you aware of the consequences of the choice you would like to make?

As I implied earlier, finances play a significant role in any relationship because they help a family meet their basic needs.

I can authoritatively state that the pressure to meet the bills has caused many relationships to break apart.

In some cases, poor choices can lead to violence. With violence comes the separation of the family. Her words of committing to support you are noble but can be far from reality.

I don’t doubt her ability, but caution that promises are wishes to be tested. Your fear of the future is valid.

At times, fears are good at helping us take the necessary precautions.

However, a guaranteed marriage is based on wisdom that seeks to evaluate and understand all things in light of the facts and realities of life.

Avoid being drawn to each as a result of temporal things or desires. As far as age is concerned, it may never be an issue so long as the two are of acceptable age and can handle what it takes to build a strong and tested marriage.

You should put off any marriage plans and pursue your career. If she marries someone else, move on. You are still young.

Focus on building a career

Your future depends on the choices you make now. Don’t sell your future for a marriage you are not ready for.

Recall that young people who have experienced sexual intimacy may get swept away by a romance that does not guarantee them the life they had hoped for.

Additionally, I am sure that you have parents taking care of you. Listen to them. The wisdom of the elderly corrects the mistakes we might make now and in the future.

Do not dispose of their wisdom and guidance just because they are not of your age.

Redefine your future based on wise goals to create a pleasurable and honourable life. Many have rushed and regretted their choices. As the proverb “Hurry hurry has no blessing” goes, there is no urgency here.

The future ahead is bright, based on the right choices.

Avoid making promises, and set each other free to get into a stable career. If both of you will be available, solidify your dating into marriage.

As you focus on building a career, establish clear boundaries. You will need to reaffirm your commitment to achieving your desired career goals.

Maturity demands that friends respect each other’s choices and commitments.

Relationships swing those involved from one emotional state to another. However, a lack of self-control undermines our sense of judgment and kills our future dreams. Self-control keeps us grounded to make informed and well-thought-through decisions.

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